guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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