On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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