i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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