erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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