yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
