Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
