And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
