kristin has been a bad kristin
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
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just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
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The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.