I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
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As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
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I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.