hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
