1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
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There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
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Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?