So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.