Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.