i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
