see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
