i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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