distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
