I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
