party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If I die, sorry about rent.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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