Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
