oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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