you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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