She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
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Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
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