You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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