I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
