I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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