shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
