I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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