Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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