so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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