we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
