One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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