too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
