i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
