Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
