I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
