im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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