You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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