im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
