Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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