Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
