My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
