shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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