Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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