Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
