if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
