True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
