fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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