Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
