if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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