it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
