You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Randomize
