we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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