I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
my poor anus
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
