drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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