yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
