Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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