You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
