Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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