I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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