He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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