Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
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He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
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Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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