is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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