Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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