I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
