The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
