Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
