I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
