two words: eviction party
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She needs sedatives and a leash
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
