i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
