I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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