:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
