nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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