I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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