I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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