The brown eye won't let me do that either.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
