You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
