Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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