She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
