Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
